That was the question I got from a buddy who is about to move to Durham with her live-in boyfriend. She's right out of college and only knows a few people there. She stumped me. Making friends for her should be easy! She'll get a part time job as a bartender and boom! Gals and guys hip and with like interests will fall from the rafters!

Now, if she were a fellow mother asking me this question, I would probably just hug and cry to her, sobbing my way through a "you need a friend? me too... will you be my friend?" conversation. To be honest, I'm still pretty clueless on how to be and have friends as a mom. Staying at home makes this even harder in my opinion.

Before baby, I worked hard, played hard, and friends rocked along with me! The moment the baby joined the unit, most of my friends were still in the work, play, party mode and I was an inconvenience and so were they. I was too busy and way too tired for friends! I have a husband, a new baby; I was attempting to get back to work… I didn’t have time for friends!

Once I came out of the fog of new mommyhood, I began to realize how lonely I had become. I could use a friend. It would be nice to have someone to take “stroller walks” with at the mall and toss around parenting ideas with. I needed a bit of sanity and some understanding from a fellow mother. My first trial runs at making other mom friends were sobering. I wanted to cling to any smiling face that seems to understand, but I learned it's important to look behind the smile. Those days reminded me of my first few months living in a dorm as a college freshman.

As my baby grew into a toddler, we ventured further out into the social world together. Yep, I totally use my kid to make friends! My kid needs friends! Since your daughter is my daughter’s age, we should be friends!? Right? This works to a degree. I have tons of acquaintances and lots of great gal pals to call on for play dates with my daughter but I am still fumbling through learning how to make "good friends" with others as an adult. My husband piped up during a discussion about this with wise advice: "It’s like dating all over again". He is right.

By my daughter’s 2^nd birthday I could finally say I found a friend, a REAL friend. She has kids the same age as me, our husbands like each other. Life is good. Oh wait, she moved away. BOO! I quickly realized that I should consider letting more friends into my life. Wait, can I be friends with you even though our kids aren’t the same age and sex? It’s true that there is an advantage to having more than one friend and expanding your “friend network” to include others outside of the same age, same life experiences scope.

Life is busy, thank goodness for cell phones, Facebook, and texting! I don’t have all day, every day to make and keep up with friends, but I still need them. I have to constantly remind myself not to be a bad friend. You have to make a real, honest effort to keep genuine people in your life. Honesty, sincerity, get-togethers, and consistent communication are keys. Figuring out how my friendships should fit into my life after I became a mother has NOT been easy for me. In fact, my ideas of friendship have been evolving quite a bit over these last few years. One of the things I was most excited for when I got pregnant was making new mommy friends. I had all these visions of play dates, shared family vacations, and wonderful new women with whom I'd embark on the journey of motherhood and be forever friends thereafter. I definitely found some, but I also found some really crappy ones too. Balance is returning in my friendship department. I am grateful for the diversity of friends that I have in my life. As I write this, in the back of my mind, I keep thinking about our possible impending move and our talks of trying for #2. Hang on tight friends of mine! My life may get a little bit crazy!